Custom muppets???

Photo by Craig Silverstein

Augh! Ronnie here. it's an outrage! An outrage, I tell ya! I can't believe it, but the world is filling with mad muppets!

Or soon will be.

Check out "A Muppet That Is Entirely Your Own," by Jennifer Lee:

The drawers are full of eyeballs and noses. The shelves are stacked with Crayola-colored torsos. And the workers conduct scientific “tug tests” on their creations (if you tug and something comes off, time to add more glue).

...Last month, F. A. O. Schwarz opened a make-your-own Muppet service in its flagship store on Fifth Avenue, the “only place in the world” where you can get a customized Muppet, though it will be soon joined by an online shop. For $130 plus tax, you can walk out with a Muppet of your very own — not the Miss Piggys, Kermits and Gonzos of the Muppet world, but Whatnots, the generic everyman Muppet.

Gag. I'm already feeling suffocated. Some say, "Let the fake fur fly!" Okay, that was Fuzzy and Dookie Bird who said that. They're excited, of course. But so is a cockroach when he finds a load of bread crumbs.

Enny-hoo, just had to vent. Vent! Get it? "Vent-trikolist." Ha! Okay, back to the suitcase. I need to sulk alone. Or whatnot.